


Happiness: A Valentine's Day Special

by OlicitySmoaky



Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: College, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 10:57:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9720638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OlicitySmoaky/pseuds/OlicitySmoaky
Summary: Season 5. Pacey and Joey spend Valentine's Day together even though they are broken up. College fic. Rated M only for language.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is like a historical artifact. This was written while watching the show as it first aired. I am probably going to post a few more of my fan fictions here. I'm thinking it will be good to have a collection from my different fandoms in one spot no matter how old and not so well written they are lol. I believe this was written in 2002 under the penname Evie. Happy Valentine's Day!

"Happiness :A Valentine's Day Special"  
By Evie (now known as Olicity Smoaky)  
  
He made love to me, or at least that's what I thought it was.  
  
"Jo, you okay?"  
  
Stoney and protected, I let my face conceal my emotions. I stretched my lips into a smile. "Of course, Audrey. Go have fun."  
  
"Well, then, bunny, if that's what the doctor is ordering definitely don't wait up for me." She winked and grinned and spun around on her heel. "Happy Valentine's Day!" She waved her hand. She left me to myself. That was what I needed. What I wanted was an entirely different thing.  
  
Sobs are wracking my body so badly my chest is aching.  
  
I can't take the sting of light right now, so the room is dark. It has to stay that way for a while. I won't move from this bed.  
  
"It's over, Joey." It was over before it even began. "I wanted you from the start, and I knew it was wrong. We can't be involved." He let me think we were. He walked with me, and when no one was looking. He would hold my hand. I felt loved again. I felt special. It's an odd thing with me. I need to feel special just to feel normal.  
  
I feel like this weight of rejection and lonliness is just sitting on my chest, smothering me. He doesn't want me. The only people who ever seem to want me lately are people I don't want back. Elliot is sweet, but God, I just can't see myself with a guy like him. I wanted David. He was supposed to make me feel like a woman. He was supposed to be the one who took me away from being little Joey Potter from the wrong side of the Creek and into this world of intelligence and enlightenment like nothing else. I wanted to be special. I was going to be different. I wanted to be loved.  
  
I'm alone. I just wanted to feel his arms around me one more time. He let us kiss so many times, and that night... "You are special, Joey, but it was sex. It was wonderful, but we can't ever do it again."  
  
I hate myself. I feel cheap and used. Was I nothing, but his fuck toy? One of his little fantasies brought to life? Naive college girl falls for intelligent young professor, and they fuck. The end. I guess, that's all I was to him.  
  
I've never felt uglier than I do right now. I am ugly. I am stupid. I am naive. I am...  
  
A persistant knock on the door, breaks my self-hating inner chants, and I curl up into a tight ball. The knock continues. This time harder. I squeeze my body tighter, hoping who ever it is will just go away.  
  
"Joey, are you in there? Audrey said you were staying in tonight, so I thought I'd bring up Chinese."  
  
It's Pacey. My heartbeat increases, and an inexplicable relief washes over me. He has this soothing voice that keeps me sane when he's around me. I'm lucky we are still friends.  
  
"Jo? I've got Pork Lo Mein, Spare Ribs, and Egg Rolls..."  
  
My stomach growls, and I know I'm in for. I clear my throat, sit up, and take a deep breath. "I'm here, Pacey."  
  
"Could you open the door? My hands are a little full."  
  
I stand up, not bothering to check my reflection in the mirror, knowing it will only heed me in the process of letting him in. I really don't want to be alone. But all the same, I think I'll keep the lights off.  
  
"How pathetic are we, Potter," he starts as soon as I open the door, heading straight for the table, not even glancing my way, "spending Valentine's Day with our exs. Why the hell is it so dark in here?" He turns to me after unloading his arms and all of a sudden looks like he's been hit in the gut. His eyes emplore me with great ache hidden inside them. "Jo...?"  
  
**  
  
"Joey..."  
  
"Um, so... you got, uh... Spare ribs. Did you say?" I walk around him, and immediately start digging in the brown paper bag.  
  
His hand curls gently around my bicep. "Jo, what happened?"  
  
I lean back toward him a tiny bit, wanting his comfort, but I do not turn around. "Nothing," I say. My voice is so small. I curse it.  
  
I want him to comfort me so much right now, but I'm not sure if I can bring myself to let him.  
  
"Joey, you've been crying... What happened?"  
  
I snap, wretching my arm out of his grasp. "It's none of your business. Just leave it alone."  
  
I go straight back to the food, pretending it is the only the I want in the world right now. It isn't. I want Pacey to probe deeper. I want him to break down my walls. I hate my rock-hard stubborness, and unrelenting attitude. But sometimes I can't help it.  
  
"Okay fine, Joey. I won't press this, but... if you need to talk to me... I want you to talk to me, okay?"  
  
I nod and start unloading the food. My mind wanders to the place I don't want it to... I falter, and I move my hands to clutch the side of the table. Pacey is at my side in an instant. "Joey, please talk to me." His hand is rubbing circles on my back. The sensation is completely soothing, and I almost melt into it.  
  
"Pace... You're going to be angry."  
  
"What could I possibly be angry at you about, huh?" he says caringly with a soft breath in my ear.  
  
"I slept with Wilder."  
  
All of a sudden, I am struck with cold on my back. His hand is gone, and I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to face his reaction. I decide that continuing with my story at this point is the best idea.  
  
"I slept with him, and he told me he didn't want me. He doesn't want me, Pacey. He used me." My voice catches and my breathing gets increasingly shallow. I can't look at him. "I know you're disappointed in me, Pacey, but-"  
  
"Stop right there, Jo. I am the last person who is going to judge you."  
  
Relief unexpectedly floods my chest, and the tears I was holding just behind my eyes beging to fade. Finally, I turn to this man whom I once thought the sun rose and set with.  
  
His eyes are nothing but supportive as he sits there on the edge of my bed with his hand outstretched. "Come here."  
  
I step close to him and let my hand slip into his. He brushes his thumb across the back of my and and brings it up to kiss my knuckles.  
  
"Pacey."  
  
"Do you know how beautiful you are, Joey?"  
  
I stare at him, not knowing how to respond, or if I should respond.  
  
"Don't let him think that you're not. Don't let him take away what you are, Jo. You're the most amazing person I know. He's an asshole for not seeing that."  
  
I shrug one shoulder. "It's not that simple."  
  
"Shhh..." He places his hands on either side of my waist. "Jo. It is that simple. You're perfect. Don't forget that."  
  
I look down, but let him continue to carress me and hold me close. "Then why didn't you want me anymore?" I can't believe I just said that. I can't believe... I'm not drunk, am I?  
Oh God.  
  
"I thought I had to, but if it makes you feel any better. I wish every day that hadn't."  
  
And that's when I sucked in my breath. That was when my heartbeat sped up and I felt alive again. I found that thing I'd been looking for ever since Pacey walked away from me. I always knew I was supposed to be with him, but he didn't seem to believe that.  
  
"You hurt me, Pace. I always wanted you. No matter what you did or didn't do. You were the man I loved, and I wasn't good enough for you."  
  
"Joey, you were too good."  
  
"Too good to be with the only person who..."  
  
He pulls my body down, closer to him. I stare into his eyes, begging him to understand what I want to say just by looking into them. I don't know if I have the right words.  
  
"Who what, Jo?"  
  
Of course, he had to ask. "Pace..." I lean my head on his shoulder. "You know what."  
  
We don't speak for a long time. I just let him hold me. I just want to feel him close to me. And then finally, Pacey breaks the silence with his gruff voice in my ear. Its as sweet as it has ever been. "Happy Valentine's Day, Joey."  
  
**  
  
I finally extract myself from his arms and move to sit beside him on my bed.  
  
"Thank you, Pacey," I say, sniffling in the process. He places his fingers beneath my chin, urging me to look at him. I smile a little. I guess it doesn't help much because he is frowning at me. "It's okay, Pacey. I'm okay."  
  
His eyes shut slowly, and he seems to be battling with something. I give him time. I don't know what is going on here. It's all happening so fast.  
  
"I hate seeing you hurt. But I hurt you too. I can't tell you how much I want smash in the bastard's face, but I can't. I can't because I'm guilty of the same thing."  
  
I gasp at his words. How can he think such a thing? I reach out and pull his hand into my lap, stroking the back of it lightly with my thumb and first two fingers. "Pace. Never compare yourself to him. He was a sleaze." My voice drops to barely above a whisper. "You... you loved me. He didn't."  
  
Pacey finally opens his eyes, and looks at me. My heart aches at what I see in those deep blue eyes I fell in love with almost three years ago. "I've always loved you, Jo."  
  
And then my heart is in my throat, and my head is spinning. "Pacey..." I don't know what to say. I can't...  
  
"I just want you to be happy, Joey. And Wilder... He doesn't know you." My mind reels with remembrance as he begins his speech. It flashes back to that fateful car ride that seems so long ago. When AJ broke my heart... funny, how the so-called worldly gentlemen never live up to anything that is real. "He couldn't possibly, Joey. He could never know you the way I do."  
  
I reach my hand up to his cheek and caress it softly. "You know me best," I whisper.  
  
He stares into my eyes, and I know that he understands exactly what I am trying to say. "It didn't take ten years, huh?" He cracks a tiny smile at the corner of his mouth.  
  
"No, I guess it didn't." My hand is still stroking his cheek, and I can't resist the urge to lean closer and try to kiss him.  
  
"No, Joey." He pulls away from me, and I about cry again. "You're hurting right now. I don't want to take advantage of that."  
  
"Pacey, I understand if you don't want me any more. I do. But I still love you. I never stopped. I tried to forget you. I tried to move on. I looked for love, and God, Pace... Wilder he made me feel beautiful and special. And when he told me he was just using me... I felt so ugly and so ..."  
  
I startle as I hear Pacey chuckling. I'm pouring out my heart, and he's laughing?  
  
"What?"  
  
"The thought of you as anything but utterly gorgeous is absolutely unthinkable."  
  
I smile a little. "But it's how I feel sometimes."  
  
He picks up my hand and brings it to his lips. "Don't ever feel that way, Joey."  
  
We look at each other for a while, just kind of smiling before I have to break the silence. "Pacey, can I just kiss you now or are we going to see who can stare the longest?"  
  
"Well, if you're going to be pushy about it..."  
  
I roll my eyes, grab his hand, and pull him toward me. "Oh, come here!" I laugh as I feel him stumble awkwardly against me, but it apparently doesn't heed our lips as they crush together. The kiss should have started out simple, but it didn't. We are laying back on my bed in an embrace our lips and tongues teasing and tasting each other like never before, and it feels wonderful... more than wonderful.  
  
The room is still dark and I am so glad that it is. It somehow is heightening the intensity of this moment. The lights of the city are flooding in, creating a glow of romance. They also help us see each other perfectly.  
  
My heart is practically beating out of my chest, and Pacey's hands are roaming all over my body, gently caressing here and there. My hands are worshipping him in much the same way.  
  
"You know," he breathes, placing tiny butterfly kisses along my neck and face, "for a shitty Valentine's Day this ain't turnin' out too bad, Potter." Potter. I love it when he says that. He kisses my mouth thoroughly , his tongue seeking, probing, and swirling before pulling back to cup my cheek. "I love you, Jo."  
  
I feel tears prickle at the corner of my eyes, and lump forming in the back of my throat. "Thank you, Pace."  
  
"Jo, I'm an idiot for not telling you sooner." He rubs his nose gently back and forth against mine.  
  
I smile beneath the sweet contact. "Don't talk about the guy I'm in love with that way. I just might have to hurt you."  
  
He chuckles huskily, and his eyes grow dark with desire. He kisses my lips, both cheeks, my forehead. Then he nibbles behind my ear in that spot he once got to know so well.  
  
"Mmmm," I moan, "Happy Valentine's Day, Pace." I feel him smile against me. I'm beginning to love the 14th of February very much indeed. Thank God for greeting card companies.


End file.
